Epilogue

You probably know by now that I am beyond repair. You crushed me. Emotionally, physically and mentally. If there are different kinds of hate, the one I am sporting now should be called infinite. Infinite in such a way that it slowly accumulates deep down inside until I could almost taste it, live it. And I know that this bitter state will not wear off as time passes by. I will hate you more and more with each and every passing moment. So much that I do not wish for karma to strike you down.

I hope that you'll be fine. I hope that you will be pseudo-happy with your life. I hope that you will need to wear a smile on your face everyday knowing fully that you destroyed me. And from within, you will hate yourself as much as I hate you. I hope that you know that I will never again in my life trust a single soul. Never shall I believe in love and anything that is good. Forever I shall curse those who hide under the skirts of their false gods in order to blind themselves of their own fatal flaws. Forever I will remain scarred and you will know that it is all because of you. All because of you.

Your friendship is false. Your faith is false. Your god is false. You don't even have real feelings, for if you did  you'd never have done such acts and walk away. As if I were some game. Some sport that deserves no reason. Like a seagull that you just shot out of sheer boredom and lack of respect for life and the pretense of  anything that's sacred or holly. You are a lie. A lie concocted by you own holier-than-thou illusions.

My grief spits on the face of your gods and everything that you think you believe in. My devastation is a testament that the goodness and the ideals you spoke of can never be real. My ruin will forever be your  burden no matter how hard you pray for it to go away. I will one day forget but you never will. You never will. Because deep inside you know that I will never be the same. The damage you have caused so swift, so deep will always be there. That even as I hold another's hand, never shall they have my full faith because I know that nothing is real. Happiness is deceit. Love is a curse.

No amount of cigarettes can burn my disillusion. No music can mend my broken soul. Alcohol can not drown the pain. No amount of crying can purge my guts off everything solid and abstract. No amount of sorry can mend me.

Sorry does not, will not, will never cut it.